2011: My Big Fat Review

...yeah, you can probably guess the title reference.

So, tomorrow, is New Year's Eve, meaning the day after that is New Year's Day. January 1st. 2012. As a result, I figured it would be cool to post my own personal review of the year. I wasn't too sure how to write this, but I have settled on a couple of Top Tens to get everything across. I would like to stress that neither of the lists are in any form of order, because I am thinking off the top of my head and as they come they will be written. So here we go!

Top Ten Moments of 2011

1. My wonderful relationship with Alex. Yes, there were tough times, but every relationship has them. And at the end of the day, I can look back on it and smile because it was absolutely fantastic.

2. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival. To perform up there on one of the world's biggest stages was a great experience, and to do so as the lead role in a play that sold out its allocation in two days was even better. It was brilliant to walk around and see all that was going on, and meeting a couple of famous faces along the way was an added bonus.

3. Sonisphere. Not only was it great to see everyone again that I had met the previous year, but the festival had run away with the lineup, a ridiculously strong bill that blew away anything Download and Reading/Leeds had to offer. Meeting new faces was awesome, as were some of the events that happened there. And as an added bonus, I came away with a Metallica beach ball, a very credible piece of gig memorabilia.

4. Passing my first year at university. In my four modules I attained 64, 65, 65 and 66. This rounds out at 65, a 2:1, and has given me great standing to go on and hopefully achieve a first at the end of my degree. Just a shame none of the marks count towards my final grade...

5. Visiting a centre in Bristol designed for deafblind children. One of the few perks that accomodated my summer job as a charity fundraiser, it was excellent to see what happened there and to see staff that were so passionate about helping children get as good a quality of life as possible.

6. Seeing Roger Waters, bassist from Pink Floyd, perform their eponymous album 'The Wall' in its entirity at the O2 Arena. To be given the chance to witness my favourite album of all time performed in a very similar vein to the original 1980/1 production, updated with new effects for 2011, was utterly superb. 'Comfortably Numb' reduced me to tears.

7. Our House, my ninth musical in eight years and my first with UWE's Centre for Performing Arts. Based around the hits of ska legends Madness, it was fast, fun and wonderful to be a part of. Again, I met some fantastic people whilst doing it, and I cannot wait to do Titanic next year in March. I won't miss the rasta wig though!

8. Performing 'By The Way' on stage at the UWE Drama Ball the day before I turned 19. It wasn't a huge thing, but I could finally be a proper frontman for all of 4 minutes, and the handshake from the guitarist as I walked offstage meant a lot.

9. The celebration in July for my parents silver wedding and my Dad's 50th. A really cracking day spent with family and friends, with laughs and memories galore. And again in 25 years, yes? Alright then!

10. Doing a couple of days of paid extra work on a low budget film. It was wonderful to see how it all worked and came together, and a great experience as a young actor to learn all the goings-on and what is expected of them. Although, I could have done without the early morning starts!

Top Ten Acts Seen in 2011

1. Iron Maiden

2. Slipknot

3. Volbeat

4. Slayer

5. Metallica

6. Airbourne

7. Tek One

8. Roger Waters

9. Black Spiders

10. Bill Bailey

The Biggest Loss of 2011

Rosie Kilburn. An old school friend who lost her three-and-a-half year battle with cancer in September, who had raised well into four, perhaps five figures for charity and kept everyone updated about her fight via her blog, The Knock On Effect. She taught me to keep going regardless of setbacks and to find the positives in everything, no matter how rock the road looks ahead. She was a fantastic actress and would have gone very far in life had she not been taken from us so early. The Order of Service from her funeral says 'Nineteen years live to the full'. Never has a statement been more true. She was an inspiration to everyone that knew her, and she will be missed dearly.

So, that's literally my review. I want to finish with:

Five Things to look forward to in 2012

1. The Olympics in London. As much as they've been criticised and as much as it looks like we will have overspent the predicted budget, in true British fashion we will show the world how it's done and give them the best Summer Games in history.

2. The continuing battle between Download and Sonisphere. Download have landed a massive blow with the announcement of The Prodigy, Metallica and Black Sabbath as headliners, and it's now up to Sonisphere to reply with gusto. If they announce excellent headliners as well, the battle will be well and truly on.

3. The 22nd December, if only to say I've survived three raptures, but also to sit back and smile as the predicted Mayan armageddon comes to nothing.

4. The end of my teenage life. As much as I complain and whinge, I'm actually looking forward to turning 20. Seems weird I know, but when you're younger than most of the first years, there's a part of you that really wishes you were older.

5. All the good times that will occur with all my wonderful friends. Each and every one of you means the world to me, and I can't wait to see what 2012 brings to us all.

To everyone, a Happy New Year. See you on the other side!

Laters xx

28 Days Later

The madness of the first semester is over. Two assessed performances, one 2,500 word essay and a lot of cigarolles in the space of seven days and I'm now home for Christmas. Just the small matter of a 2,000 word essay, a one-hour exam and a 5-minute presentation to think about over the festive period. I guess I gotta let the madness begin again.

Everything went well in the end - my freak show for Representing was received well, as were them all: every single person who had to undertake a solo performance did brilliantly. Then came the essay which a lot of people struggled with, myself included, but it was in on time and inside the word limit. Finally came the assessed performance for Ways that I directed, and aside from a slight lighting error that was due to a slip by the technician it all went smoothly too. The relief after that was over was brilliant, I can tell you.

It's weird that I'm now halfway through my undergraduate degree. It's amazing how quickly 15 months go when you're having fun. And fun is the word - uni is quite simply the greatest experience ever. So long as you get the right balance between your work and your social life, it will be the best three/four/five/ten years of your life, depending on your course. This semester I haven't quite got it right, I won't lie - it's why I've returned to Gloucestershire and felt tired, burnt out and struggled to wind down properly. Next semester will be different: I'm going to get myself into a proper routine and get the balance right again. It's my overall resolution. I've given up smoking for Christmas so when I return to uni in January I will find it easier to say no and be a social smoker once more.

The cat has just decided to sit down beside my laptop. Could be worse, could be sitting ON my laptop. Which he did attempt to do until I stopped him. I won't lie, I've missed my cat - as cute and cuddly Boris is, nothing beats the company of Raz. He's gone now :(

I'm also now involved in my 10th musical in 9 years, after a lack of male cast prompted me to answer (ironically) a distress call from the director of Titanic. Have to say though, it's great to be back in the CPA and performing again. Now to prepare myself for the intensive rehearsal period after Christmas - joy of joys haha.

I came up with the corniest line ever in church the other night - not happy at all with myself: 'Lord, we pray that this Christmas we would feel your prescence - as we open our presents'. Yeah, I couldn't quite believe I said it either. I quickly finished praying thereafter to avoid embarrassment.

So many gigs coming up to think about attending - Mastodon, Alestorm, Rise to Remain and Korn, all coming before the Jager Tour featuring Skindred, Therapy? and Black Spiders. I also need to find the money for Donington, Knebworth or both for 2012 - big year for music I reckon.

Right, that's about it. A Merry Christmas to all of you and a Happy New Year too, if I don't post again before then.

Laters xx

Shit just got serious.

So, it's crunch time. And I mean crunch time. The next three weeks are crucial. And if I do not update a lot, then it's because I'll be snowed under with work. As will most of the second years. Going out is not an option, I have to work and work hard.

Assessments are coming thick and fast, with 3 coming up before that wonderful moment we break up for Christmas. Then it all starts again on January 3rd. This festive period may well be the toughest and the least relaxing I've had in my 19 years on this planet.

On a happier note, I have taken up another directing role, albeit in an assistant position, for this year's Drama Soc panto. Having thoroughly enjoyed performing 'Sleeping Snoopy' last year, I look forward to 'Winnie the Pooh and the Beanstalk' this time around. Hopefully mine, 'Cinderecess' will be ready for next year. That's if I actually get it done along with the other million pieces I'm working on currently. My Christian monolgue, my dark play, a stage adaptation of Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'...yeah, I do far too much. But it keeps me busy.

Nightwish's new album is released soon. The keyboard player says a UK tour will happen next year, and I for one will BE there. Hopefully with Dad if he likes the album enough. I love my dad - he sent me a text yesterday wishing me a happy half-birthday, which really touched me. Yes, this is above all the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with - I am into my last 6 months of being a teenager. It's weird: when I became a teenager in 2005, Justin Bieber was finishing primary school, Michael Jackson was still alive and 'Chinese Democracy' was still 3 years away from completion. Black Sabbath reformed (again) and headlined Download with Feeder and System of a Down. The World Cup in Germany was yet to happen and London was still preparing to bid to host the 2012 Olympics. And Bin Laden was yet to be found. Funny how much goes on in seven years.

I feel like the only person in the world who doesn't care about Skyrim right now. I mean, I understand the hype behind it - if the previous Elder Scroll games were as good as everyone said they were, then it's totally feasible. However, when you don't own a PS3 or Xbox 360 and have a laptop that would stand no chance of playing it, you just aren't as fussed as everybody else. Besides, as I got older, money for games and consoles went on band tees and gig tickets.

Talking of gig tickets, mine arrived for the Jagermeister Music Tour! The O2 Academy really don't mess about - I buy a ticket to see Skindred and Therapy? on the 11th November for a 14th April 2012 gig and the tickets come through my letterbox 8 days later. Now I have to wait 5 months, which will be painful - Skindred are one of the greatest live bands in the world and to see them at their own headline gig on the last night of a tour will be ridiculous. I may need a paramedic stationed at home after that one. Especially as the ticket cost a fiver. Yep, five pounds. FIVE. For a band from Brigend playing reggae metal with a rasta frontman and a trio of alt. rock legends. And most likely a couple more artists. This is gonna get messy.

Right, I'm going to sort my head out a bit more. How, I don't know, but writing it down probably won't help.

Laters xx

Four Weeks

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to save everything,

So I can return home from home

And continue with my love.

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to prove to them

I am capable of juggling work

With work, life with life.

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to bring in something

That can be used to live with.

Else the morning of the Sabbath

Will hang over me.

I have four weeks.

Dear mind, fasten your seatbelt.

There is turbulence ahead.

So, I decided yesterday that I intend to create two very contrasting pieces of work from the Drama Soc Creative Writing sessions held on a Monday evening. Both explore different aspects of my wellbeing, both will most likely be given help by friends and I hope at least one will make it to the Showcase in June.

The first one is a monologue. As you are probably aware, I am a Christian, and I love the Lord Jesus with my heart and soul. My faith is usually quite private to me - although I will freely admit I am a Christian, I will only talk to somebody about it if they ask me to. I see no need in preaching to people 24/7 about how the only way to eternal life is through God: At the end of the day, if somebody wants to be a Christian they will take the necessary steps themselves, and no human likes to have beliefs shoved down their throat if they don't want them.

Anyway, I have wanted to write a piece of drama with a Christian message for quite some time now, and over the summer I decided that I would turn Psalm 119 from the Bible into a contemporary monologue. Why Psalm 119? Well, being a Psalm there is already a poetic quality to it before I begin, which will make the process a lot easier. Secondly, it's the longest chapter in the Bible at 178 verses, thus giving me a lot of material to play with. Whether it is adapted word for word or otherwise remains to be seen, but I definitely want the same message behind it as the original writing.

The other piece is going in completely the opposite direction, to the point that it's so left field it becomes right field again. The other piece will be a play, and it will be dark. No wait, DARK. See, I was never the most popular kid at secondary school - always pushed about a bit, the last to know gossip, left out of parties and the like - and dealing with that for 7 years has caused a lot of emotion and anger to build up inside me. Coupled with various events of the past 3 months and the fact that even the slightest of things can trigger a past memory I'd rather forget to slip back into my mind and haunt me, the result is a bubbling cauldron inside of me waiting to boil over. Now, I always try to turn negative to positive, and in this instances I intend to channel the cocktail of elements inside me into a play. At the minute, I am looking along the lines of including suicide, sex and forbidden love. But this is about getting everything out, so it may take a completely different form. It all depends on how I feel, but I really want to tap into this darker energy and nuture it into something awe-inspiring and beautiful. At least, that's the plan.

So, why the title? Well, with two completely contrasting pieces forming and developing inside my head, it's gonna be a bumpy ride I feel for the next few months. But at the end of it, I want to be left with a clear conscience, everything behind me at long last and two really exciting pieces to be proud of.

Forget the comment on my last post about a special post coming up - I really can't write it without sounding like a total dick.

Laters xx

Anger, Excitement, Tiredness, Sleep.

A rollercoaster of emotions rising and falling this week. I won't go into all the details but here we go:

So, the Drama Society Armistice Performance was postponed, potentially cancelled. A huge kick in the teeth for all of us, the Student Union decided at the 11th hour that the Risk Assessments we had filled out weren't good enough and handed in too late. Even though we had taken the steps to make sure they were handed in on time, the receiver of the forms was not around at the time stated and this obviously caused problems. It's not like we hadn't had them previously either - the SU decided to pass new regulations on the handling of Risk assessments forms and the like and not bothered to tell us. As a result, we went about our business like we had done for the last three years and up until the aforemenioned moment had no idea we could not continue in the same manner. To add insult to injury, the meeting to sort all the shit out was scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm - the same time the Drama Society meet. Somebody somewhere has a real grudge against us it seems, so we are planning to nip this in the bud and get it all resolved. We staged a flashmob on Frenchay as well to mark Remembrance Day and stopped the whole corridor in the process. That was very special.

In other news, this time more music related, Black Sabbath are back. Messrs Obsourne, Iommi, Butler and Ward announced their reformation, their first studio album together for 33 years and a headlining performance at Download Festival. Coupled with the news the previous day that Metallica are playing the same festival AND playing their eponymous self-titled album in its entirity, this is big news. And I am THERE. I am not missing the band who invented the music genre I love for the world. By hook or by crook I will be standing on the hallowed turf of Castle Donington this summer to watch them. I have so far destroyed my neck several times listening to Sabbath's catalogue, and thus am looking to purchase a neck brace for the weeks after the festival. I will also look to attend Sonisphere as well.

The next morning, I was up at 5:45am again for more filming for 'Flying Blind'. Again a very enjoyable experience, this time set in a lecture hall and I was required to walk out and back in several times. Tedious, but worth the experience. Then a friend's party in the evening, which was also very fun. Remembrance Sunday was yesterday, and that involved a church service including a Motorhead song, much to my delight. Today is the first of my Reading Week, so I have no lessons whatsoever. For a week. if Hannah Khan is reading this, then *blows raspberry*.

Right, I'm off for my Personal Academic Tutor meeting. Stay tuned for a special blog post this evening!

Laters xx

12 hours.

As I begin to write this post, that's how long I have been up for. The time now is 5:45pm.

So, today was my first ever day working on a real-life film set! I started at 8, but got there early because I had no idea where it was, so I went with my friend (who's in charge of extras for the film - that's how I got the gig in the first place) and she needed to be there early. This resulted in a 5:45am start for me, which I somehow reacted better to than when I wake up usually at 8/9am. This annoyed me greatly, I must say - if I can wake up quicker at a time when I'm meant to be asleep, why can't I do so when I'm NOT meant to be?! It makes no sense!

Anyway, the film is called 'Flying Blind' and stars Narciss Malfoy from Harry Potter. I'm also shooting on Saturday so there should be a couple of moments in the film where you can see me. Whn I know it all I'll tell you

In other news, The UWE Drama Society's annual Armistice production will be performed on Thursday and Friday evening at St. Matthias in Bristol. It will comprise a series of war poems and songs, dramatic pieces and (thanks to yours truly) an Iron Maiden tune turned into all of the above. The admission is free, but donations to the Poppy Appeal are most welcome.

What else? Oh yes! On Friday last I met Dan Sturgess, the DJ from reggae metal Skindred! They're playing the O2 Academy in April and tickets are a fiver. Yeah, you read that right. A FIVER. I'm STOKED! And totally going.

I genuinally think that's about it. I'm going to sort out my rehearsal for this evening, so we can NAIL this motherfool once and for all!

Laters xx

Drifting from one extreme to the next.

This is me currently.

I'm in a dark place - have been for a while. I have these moments where I don't want to be around people but I don't want to be on my own either. I cannot say if anyone else has ever experienced this before, but it's horrible. I've been stressed out a lot too: my smoking plan has gone out the window in recent days as well because I've been so highly-strung. It's really getting to me at the mo. This blog could get quite depressive in the near future - as I say in my description though, hopefully my writings will open up doors, show me how to solve problems out. So if you find yourself regularly down after reading my posts in the future, you know what to do.

On a happier note (I don't know if I've mentioned this already) my monologue I performed in one of my modules the other week went down really well. It was really wierd - my tutor linked his classes to a piece of writing concerning embarrassment. The idea was that the more you make yourself vulnerable on stage and in danger of embarrassing yourself, the more convincing your performance. And whilst I didn't take it to heart, it had such an effect on me. There I was, in my pyjamas, standing in front of the class performing an extract from Equus (it's the scene where Alan Strang explains his first experience with horses) and I guess the shyness felt by wearing just my bedclothes has a big effect. Halfway through my monologue, the eyeline I had been talking to the whole time was suddenly the only thing in focus - the rest of the room blurred into insignificance. I was pretty scared, but I kept going. When I changed my emotion slightly, the whole room came back into focus. But I realise now that I was in total character, something I've never been in on stage before. The change in emotion brought me back down to earth. A big mistake in hindsight. Next time I won't do that - if it blurs I'm keeping that.

I would also like to thank Alix (I believe I've spelt it right), a new follower of mine on Twitter, for introducing me to Jason Walker, a truly wonderful musician. Here's the song that I was first told about:

Right, beddy-byes for me.

Laters xx

10 minute blog post

Well, 9 minutes. Just before Jeremy Kyle.

So, the last few days have been interesting and worrying at the same time. I don't want to go into too much detail, but basically I've screwed up big time and I'm not sure how I'm gonna get out of it. And last night was horrific until I got to sleep. It's a major struggle at the minute, but hopefully I'll get out of the other side all fine and dandy.

Have started to attempt growing a moustache for Movember. This is gonna be hilarious especially watching the other Drama Soc members attempt to as well.

Ummm, is there anything else interesting that's gone on? I don't think so to be fair, so I'll leave it there - oh, the new series of Tool Academy is back! I love that TV show.

Right, Jezza K, then work, then something else :)

Laters xx 

Brains.

...some people bloody need them.

Since my last post, this week has passed in quite a blur. I performed my monologue on Thursday for one of my classes and did well, apparently. Also got my group and play for my first assessment in that module - it's a play caled 'Bent'. It's one of the most intense plays I've ever read, and with me directing, I may well have my work cut out. But we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday was Bristol's infamous 'Zombie Walk' - two to three thousand people dressed as various members of the undead prowling the streets, scaring everyone and finishing on Castle Park. We had Freddie Mercury, Where's Wally, Timmy Mallet and Elvis amongst others, and a great day was had by all. Well, I say ALL - some idiots decided to set off some fireworks outside one of our shopping centres, injuring a seven year-old and plunging the future of the Walk into serious doubt. Apparently the reasons were political. Arrests were made for the first time in the 5 year history of the event, and I, like the other 99% of people, am shocked and disgusted that some people decided to let their own views override a wonderful family event and put themselves and others in harm. It's utterly moronic.

Today sees the first rehearsal for my Armistice piece - I'm looking forward to it, and all being well we'll have it knocked out in a couple of hours or so, which would be most impressive if I'm honest. And then we can do it again in the tech and stuff.

I keep forgetting to publish this, so here goes!

Laters xx

Special Post: My response to the Daily Mail.

Now, I'm all for teenage rebellion. It's a natural part of growing up. As children approach adulthood, the want to make their own choices is nothing but instinctual, and the restraints placed upon them at a young age are gradually lifted. Naturally, these restraints can take many forms, but the most common include face and body piercings and the dyeing of one's hair.

I too have made the point of partaking in both - I have two rings in both earlobes and I dyed my hair last Christmas - however unlike the case I am about to bring up, I DID in fact wait until I was 18 to do both, the former under the wishes of my parents, the latter because until then I hadn't really fancied having my hair any other colour.

THIS article here, which was posted this morning on the Daily Mail website, is from a mother (Diana Appleyard) who believes that she has, in some way, failed in her duties as a parent because her 18 year-old daughter (Charlotte) has several piercings and dyed her hair all manner of colours. She also, quite infuriatingly, ponders on whether it is her daughter's love for heavy metal music that has caused her to invest in the aforementioned activities. She says that her daughter "first dyed her hair in her third year at boarding school — I went to pick her up for a day out and nearly fainted with shock. Her gorgeous blonde hair had been dyed a  horrible matte black. Against it, her skin seemed pasty and washed out. She looked, in short, nothing like my daughter." The article goes on to say "Her father and I worked so hard to give her and her sister an idyllic childhood, with horses and private education — yet Charlotte looks the antithesis of her upbringing."

To this, I write the following response:

Firstly, Diana, your dream image of how your daughter would turn out was always going to be dashed. As mentioned above, teenage rebellion is part of growing up, and every single one does so in their own unique way. Your daughter is not unlike the rest of us, and I am sure you too had your own way of going against the grain. True, some aspects of childhood never fade - 16 years down the line, I am still an avid fan of Chelsea Football Club. I have also maintained a great love for the Beano comics and continue to enjoy The Pink Panther and Wacky Races. However, I was always looking for that element of self-expression, and I found it, like Charlotte, in heavy metal music. Now, sitting in my room in my student house, no fewer than four posters of Iron Maiden adorn my walls, and I even have a drawer filled with all manner of band t-shirts. I reckon that, if you spoke to Charlotte about it, there would be things that she still loves regardless of how she has 'evolved' as a human being.

You also say that your daughter's appearance "has become a family joke" and that you "wonder if there is something I have done wrong". To put it bluntly, you haven't. I assume I became the same way - at 17, my hair was past my shoulders and I more or less lived out of my denim waistcoat and studded wristbands. My hair was always the first thing to be commented on at family gatherings, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if my younger brother ridiculed me at school to his friends about the whole affair. Neither of my parents were ever embarrassed about what I was wearing, and the only time they were was when I wore a t-shirt displaying a '666' logo, which offended them due to their Christian faith. In the end, my dad bought the t-shirt off me and disposed of it, and I went out and bought a different one with the money. Win win situation.

Now on to the point that has really got my goat - the issue of heavy metal music itself. Metal has never attempted to be the image of 'popular music' - sure, the moments that it DOES breach the top 20 in the UK charts are applauded, but no band has ever sought out to become a mainstream metal act, nor have the fans ever tried to consistently get a band to #1. To do so is to go against the flow of what heavy metal is about - the close-knit community and the decision to move away from the 'norm' and band together. A band could play music as heavy as Slayer, for example, but if they regularly released singles and tried to claim the top spot in the charts with each release, quickly people would perceive them to be 'selling out' and they would lose a lot of fans. A perfect case in point is Metallica - the biggest metal band on the planet, yet when they released 'The Black Album' in 1991, the move away from 8-minute epics to 5-minute, almost radio-friendly tunes alienated quite a few people, of which some have never forgiven the band for that decision. The overall point is this: Metal has always been, in its foundations, about people wanting to create music as far way as possible from what was and what IS present in the Top 40 and to EXPRESS THEMSELVES in their own way. Your daughter is no different. As I mentioned above, the development from child to teenager is always accompanied by some form of expression.

I would also like to try and quell your fears that Charlotte's "aggressive image might damage her in some way". This is not the case at all. I can definitely see your view - a lot of band t-shirts have quite graphic designs on them, and coupled with the other stereotypical features - lots of black, numerous piercings, studded accessories - the result can be quite 'scary' to an extent. However, deep down, Charlotte will still have the "sweet, dreamy personality" that you say she has. The same holds true for the vast majority of the alternative community. It is one big family, brought together under a love for all things heavy and loud. Everyone comes from different walks of life, and will all continue to take different paths. There are footballers who like metal, actors, even politicians. The only thing in common is the taste in music. There is nothing that says to be a metalhead, you must have an aggressive attitude towards everyone. Again, take me - I've loved heavy metal since the age of 11, but I am a Christian like my parents and, according to everyone I know, one of the nicest and most sensitive guys around. Not exactly the toughest or most aggressive of people, am I? However, on a different note, do not expect this to be "just a phase". The strength of the community means most carry on the image right into adulthood and for the rest of their lives. That's just the way it is and the way it always has been.

In closing then, Diana, I would like to say that you have NOT been a bad mother in any sense of the word, and that's it's perfectly normal to be worried. However, I stand by Charlotte and urge you to "butt out" of her life somewhat. Not only are you taking everything far too personally, but now that she is 18 and legally a young adult, she is free to do what she wants. Of course, that doesn't mean you cannot ADVISE her and give your opinion where you feel necessary, but ultimately it is HER decision on whether she gets that band t-shirt, or that piercing, or that tattoo. I would also like to stress that heavy metal music is NOT making your daughter aggressive. If anything, the nature of the music is keeping her charming self intact. If you do ever read this, then I hope you take what I have said on board and that it gives you some piece of mind. If you are still genuinally worried, then I suggest you speak to her properly. Have a good, honest conversation, with no raised voices, and let her tell you everything. I'm sure it will become clear that she is not out to harm you and (hopefully) it will make your relationship even stronger.

Yours,

Elliot Leaver

Descartes has melted my brain.

Quite literally.

Today's workshop in Drama was my first foray into Philosophy. And I am currently incapacitated while my brain still recovers from the whole damn thing. Somehow though, I have enough ability to update my blog, as I said I would.

So, this week - one of catching up on work and the like, trying to get the right balance between my work and my social life. It's something I think is really important - too much work and you become detached from everyone and fitting in with groups will be tough. Too much fun and you'll drop out at Christmas, simple as that. But get it all right and uni will be the best three years or so of your life. It's probably the best piece of advice I could give to anyone who's looking at going to uni, and one I have been telling all the prospective Fresher's coming on Open Days. And with me being a believer in practicing what you preach, if I'm not keeping on top of it myself then I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Thankfully, I'm there, more or less: Notes to write up over the weekend and a soundtrack to complete, and I'm done.

I am also down to direct my first ever drama piece! It's called 'For the Greater Good of God', and will be a part of the Drama Society's Armistice Showcase. Its about a soldier, on the front line in a holy war, who is questioning whether he has made the right move in going to war, whether it IS actually God at the centre of all this or the Devil, and asking for guidance from someone. And, surprise surprise - it's been adapted from an Iron Maiden song. Video below:

Yeah, seems a pretty long piece - but it'll be about 5-5 and a half minutes. As it's now a poem, there's going to be no long solo sections or the like. All that's being kept is the intor and outro played on acoustic guitar. I'm looking forward to getting to grips with it.

What else? Oh yeah, I had to call the police again this week! After speaking to them on Saturday regarding my bag, I witnessed the aftermath of a mugging and had the rozzers round mine at half 11 so I could give a statement. I lead a very interesting life, don't I?

Get well soon to my brother as well - the poor guy has glandular fever. You've now got half term to rest it off buddy, make the most of it.

Right, I'm going to get things sorted regarding Movember - the fundraising event to grow a moustache for the whole of November to raise awareness and money for prostate cancer. I have the Drama guys involved (and two females!) so it should be a laugh.

Laters xx

The last three days.

The last three days have gone from good to bad to okay-ish. It's been tough, particularly the last 48 hours, but I have faith that everything will turn out ok.

Let's start with the good. Friday night was the Superheroes vs. Supervillains Drama Soc social at the Bierkeller in town, Bristol's only dedicated rock/alternative/punk/metal club. I went as Heath Ledger's Joker and had an absolutely amazing time - it was great seeing so many people come in costume, some of well-known characters, others completely made up. A thoroughly enjoyable night, made even more satisfying by the fact that I got more of the free cocktail than advertised. Basically, if you came in fancy dress, you were eligible for a free Kryptonite Cocktail. I was one of the first people to redeem the above drink from the bar, and received a full pint of the cocktail. Literally 2 minutes afterwards, they set up the stall for the drink redemption, and issued the cocktails in small tumblers, about the size of your average spirit glass. Sometimes, mistakes can be great.

Now the flip side. I helped out at the Open Day for my campus on Saturday, and as the clock ticked round to half three, I left my base to go and help clear up around the site. On my return 15 minutes later, I discovered my bag gone, potentially stolen. It contained several items of importance - my pencil case, an exercise book, a library book, a module reader and handbook AND, most worryingly and valuable of all, my passport. So far, nothing has surfaced regarding the return of any of my items. Naturally, I've been upset about the whole scenario and as a result, my smoking has increased to deal with the stress. A pretty poor end to my Saturday, although things are moving along for a new passport and I intend to seach more for it tomorrow. This is also why today has been okay-ish: the loss of it has really been a dampener on everything that's happened.

Nothing else has really occurred, so this may be seen as a short post. I'll keep you updated on this as it unfolds.

Laters xx

Lonely.

I get lonely quite a lot nowadays. I actually have no idea why. I've always been quite independent, and yet now I need people around me more than ever. I guess quite a few factors have contributed to this - Rosie's death, mine and Alex's break-up, the transition to a new church, the second year of uni, financial struggles, unemployment. Quite manageable things, I know, but they hit me hard and fast over a short period of time, and I'm still reeling from it all.

I mean, Rosie's funeral was, in a way, quite a good thing. Sounds strange to say, but the fact is it gave me closure. When I left Newent School, I deleted many of my schoolfriends from Facebook and the like, because I wanted to have as few reasons as possible to return to Gloucester - I wanted a new start and a clean break from everything. Of course, there were still people from school that I kept - my social group for example, and a few others that I got on well with, Rosie included, but aside from that everyone went. I felt that I had been seen as an easy target by quite a lot of them, and I didn't want them in my life any more. Sounds fair enough. Rosie's funeral allowed me to draw a line under Newent School and properly move on - her connections with the school meant that there was always a link. I would like to stress NOW that I am NOT saying that Rosie passing away was a good thing and that I was waiting for it to happen so I could break away completely - I was as upset as everyone for I had always hoped she would beat cancer. I just went to the funeral for her sake and her sake alone - I'm above everything else. Some may call this arrogance; I call it looking out for No.1 and making my life better.

I guess I'm also worried about the new Freshers in Drama Society. I've always been a worrier, for everyone other than myself usually. However, the strong characters involved this year have made me question my acting ability a huge amount and whether I'm really doing the right thing by trying to make a career from Drama, I just seem substandard. Having said that, this year is crucial - a lot of training in lessons and other productions will show me for sure. I'm also giving directing a go too - see if that's a good move. By the way, in relation to Drama Society, congratulations to Huw Tindall-Jones for being appointed Vice President: you deserved it mate.

Talking of productions, I really hope John Reid, one of our senior lecturers gets his act together and releases the cast list for 'Spring Awakening'. I want a really good role. If I don't, there's at least two other things to audition for: 'Sixteen' by Scott Fraser and 'Punk Rock' by Caroline Hadley. As for Armistice, I'll release details of that when everything's cast and sorted. Which reminds me - I need to send my cast off, first directing piece in that showcase.

Has anyone been watching The Fades? It's been gripping! It's about this guy who has the ability to see the dead who haven't been able to leave this world peacefully (known as The Fades) and some of them are attacking humans and killing them. And there's this groups known as The Angelics who are out to stop this. In the last episode, this guy died and came back to life through some random voodoo and his twin sister. Was amazing. Also, Fresh Meat on Channel 4 has been great too. It's literally The Inbetweeners at university, so funny.

Couple of gigs coming up I hope to go to - Opeth in November and Mastodon in February. I badly wanna see Rammstein again though, but Birmingham's sold out :(. I DID see them twice in 6 months last year, so I'll have to be content with that I guess: the singer wants to retire at 50, and that's 2013, so I'm pretty sure I'll never see them again.

The Macarena just came on my iTunes - I'm so cool.

Writing this has really helped my loneliness - I've got a lot off my chest. I don't know if anyone will see or read this, but if you do, thank you - it means a lot.

Laters xx

P.S. Cutting back on smoking is going well - I even turned down going out for one earlier today! Sadly, my chest is quite bad still. Won't stop me going out tomorrow night though!

Ozzy Osbourne, Pink Floyd and more.

So, the title explained:

The bit about Ozzy concerns my last Creative Writing project. We are currently studying a play called Rum and Vodka, written by Connor MacPherson. We were asked to continue the monologue as we felt fit, and mine ended up with the protagonist biting the head off a bat, akin to the Prince of Darkness on tour one year. Dark, but funny. Apparently.

Pink Floyd? I was listening to Dark Side of the Moon earlier. I don't care what anyone says, that album is as good as it was almost 40 years ago when it first came out. Simply stunning effort by the 'Floyd. No wonder it was released in 1973 and didn't drop off the Billboard Top 200 in the 'States until 2001.

I'm currently listening to/watching Metallica's show from Rock Am Ring in 2008. I'm not looking at the setlist at all - Metallica change theirs nearly every show, and not one song is constant throughout a tour. For example, if they have a 60 date tour, the most played song will feature 59 times. I rather like that idea - it gives fans something different each time they play. If I were the singer of a band, I'd want setlists to change every night, pyros, staging with different levels, changing backdrops, the works - these people have come to see a show, and the minute I had the chance to add something in I would. Even if that meant starting off small by releasing beach balls into the crowd, I'd do it, make sure everyone watching went away having had a good time and wanting to see us again.

Not much else has happened today I don't think. Oh wait, I had another shelf fitted in my room. This is most helpful to my living arrangements - my room is now perfect for me this year :).

It's getting pretty hot in here. Apparently temperatures are meant to soar to 23 degrees by the end of the week again. I can hardly wait.

Nothing else to really say. Drama Society tomorrow with the election of our new Vice President, of which I'm in the running. I hope I get it!

Laters xx 

Just so everyone is on the same wavelength...

Here is my plan re smoking:

Firstly, I am NOT giving it up 100%. This is a conscious decision based on my own findings last year, which I will explain as we go along. I think the correct term is CUTTING BACK, as opposed to giving up, so I apologise for the confusion. Anyway, here is my plan:

1. I intend to become a social smoker again, as opposed to the regular/heavy one I am now. As such, you may see me buying tobacco from time to time or smoking, but I can assure you I will not be puffing like a chimney as I was until Saturday. I'm looking at going from the 8+ a days I would usually have to 1 or 2, maybe 0.
2. As mentioned above, I'm turning social. So, at events like the Monday Lock-In, Drama Soc socials, house parties or whatever, I will probably be smoking. However, it won't be to the extent that I used to, as I found I missed so much conversation when out for a smoke that I ended up drifting between groups, feeling lost and lonely.
3. I found last year that if I hit a writer's block during essays, a cigarette break helped me calm down and re-focus. When I resumed my essay, I'd find the answer and continue for another 1000 words or so. I plan to keep this up.
4. I will only EVER smoke heavily on the three Last Order events every year. I find I smoke more when I drink, so when an event turns up that is 12 hours long and drink will be flowing, I will probably be 'back to my old ways' as it were. The same applies to music festivals.

I hope this clears things up.

In other news, my costume for Friday night is complete. The Bierkeller, Bristol's only proper alternative nightclub, is hosting a Superheroes vs Supervillains night, and I am going ad The Joker from the Dark Night. My costume is now complete, it's gonna be amazing!

I'm really looking forward to finding out the cast list for 'Spring Awakening' this year. With my part from last year, The Masked Man, now being a Masked WOMAN, I can be assured of a bigger role. Here's hoping I'm Moritz or Melchior!

On the music front, Machine Head's new album 'Unto the Locust' is brilliant. 7 tracks of pure heaviness and balls-out metal. I wanna see them live so badly, but I can't afford to :(.

That's more or less it for today. Speak tomorrow.

Laters xx

The start of something new...

My first post since August 6th eh? Well this is where things get regular again.

So, a quick recap of the last couple of months, so you're all up to speed. Edinburgh Fringe was amazing, regardless of the fact that the reviewers hated us. We all had a good time and I got to meet a couple of special people in my world - Norman Lovett, best known for playing Holly in sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf, and Anthony Rapp, who played Mark in the film version of hit musical Rent. I also discovered the delights of strawberry beer and a wonderful pub called 'The Tron', where all roads lead to. What was even more special was seeing Mum, Dad and my godfather Howard come and support me during my show. Next year, I plan to go again, although without the 13-hour bus journey this time...

After that, things go downhill. Me and Alex split up at the start of September, however it was all dealt with very maturely and we are still the best of friends. The saddest news was to come though. On 12th September, an old schoolfriend of mine, Rosie Kilburn, lost her three-and-a-half year battle with cancer. She had raised well into four figures for various charitites with the help of her own online shop, The Knock On Effect, and I had done things my own way to support her. The funeral was beautiful, between 200-400 people there, depending on reports, and Rosie is always with me, in my heart and on my bag in the form of a domino badge, dominoes being one of TKOE's logos.

Since then, I have started my second year at uni and am thoroughly enjoying it, although am currently feeling a little worse for wear. Although I was indeed at a party last night, that's not the reason. You see, on Wednesday, when ALSO out, I made the conscious decision to cut back on my smoking, to stop having maybe 10 cigarettes a day and going to the odd one every now and then, with maybe a pack of 10 for socials and 20 for the uni's Drink the Bar Dry event. Even as I write this, I'm starting to get a craving!

I have to go, I'm going to have some food and head down to the library, to print out things and get myself in order for uni next week. I'll probably post later tonight, if not I'll definitely do so tomorrow. As the title says, this is becoming regular again.

Laters xx

Ummm, yeah....

...it's now August 6th. My last post was almost 4 months ago.

Oops.

Right, so what to say.....

Well, the last four months have seen many things occur. I've passed the whole of my first year at university with a 2:1, so I'm very happy about that - second year student at least! I've had my second job - working as a door-to-door charity fundraiser - and done fairly well, but not well enough else I'd still be there (I got fired just over a week ago), and rehearsals for the Fringe Festival are going very, very well - regardless of the fact that we managed to break our prop swords in the last rehearsal...

Me and Alex have now been together 5 months and all is well - she is very happy with her new job and how things are progressing in her life, very much helped by the new home she is living in. As for me, I move into my new place in just under a week - very much looking forward to it!

On the music front, Sonisphere 2011 was an absolute triumph. So much better than last year's festival and I had an amazing time. Slipknot blew everyone away on the final night and the Big 4 went down a storm. It was difficult to say who the best band were out of Slayer or Metallica though. I also met one of my heroes in life, Mr Terry Bezer - formerly of Metal Hammer Magazine, now of Rocksound - at the Black Spiders set. He even fistbumped me! Made my entire Saturday evening.

The surprise bands of the weekend were Tek One, who's brand of 'dubstep metal' was an absolute treat to hear, and Volbeat, who came on 15 minutes early because everything was ready and played an extra 15 minutes. It meant I MISSED the first 15 minutes, but what I saw was immense. Only the 'Knot stopped Volbeat being the best band of the weekend.

I followed it up with two nights of Iron Maiden. In a row. Oh my GOD, what a couple of nights! Maiden were on top form and out of this world. If the sound hadn't cut out in Birmingham, and my eagerness to be at the front in Cardiff caused sound problems, it would have beaten Twickenham. Nevertheless, they were superb. Airbourne as their support put on two good shows as well. AC/who?

Right, I'm off. I promise to update more as the next year begins.For now, I'm off to see family.

Laters xx

Busy Busy Busy

So, 15 days since my last post. Guess I'd best tell you my news!

Well, I'm now home for Easter after a wonderful term where I've found love, a big break and buried treasure...

Let's start with the love. For the past month and a bit I have been dating a wonderful girl named Alex. She's a little older than me (celebrated her 21st last week), is on my course at university and is so wonderful in many ways. I even have a scene with her in one of the plays our Drama Society is taking to Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and I cannot wait to do this scene as she is a sparkling actress with a helluva lot going for her :).

Which leads on to my big break! Edinburgh Fringe! As I mentioned, the Drama Society goes to Edinburgh Fringe Festival in the summer, as they did last year, and perform in a venue to a paying auidence and are even reviewed. This year, we are taking up three plays, to be performed over two nights: 'Heartbreak' (an original piece by the Society's Vice-President), 'Romance with a Double Bass' (adapted from the short story by Anton Chekhov) and 'The Secret of Monkey Island' (adapted from the computer game of the same name by LucasArts).

Well, I am happy to report that I was successful in my attempts to get into a cast, and I now have a part in '...Monkey Island'. What's even better is that I have gained the lead role of Guybrush Threepwood as well! I'm ecstatic about this and very much looking forward to acting on one of the world's biggest stages and hopefully making my mark on the acting world.

Lastly, buried treasure (nicely leading on again, given that '...Monkey Island' is a play about pirates) - a few of us went down to a stream near us in Bristol, at a place called Snuff Mills for fun and frolics. When paddling, my friend came across a toolbox in the water. He described it as finding treasure. When opened, we couldn't believe it to find a full set of tools in there, complete with bag of washers, nuts, bolts and screws, as well as a wide array of screwdrivers and pliers. There was even a handsaw and a hammer! But best of all was the penknife that I got from the box and proudly took home with me. Amongst other things we found in the stream were a motorcycle component and a sign proclaiming 'Foothpath Closed', complete with stand, which we proceeded to erect and place across the stream as a joke.

That's pretty much it from the last 15 days. Would like to finish by saying happy birthday to Mum and Dad - Dad was 50 on March 29th, Mum 48 on April 6th. I love you both.

Laters xx

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 30

Finished, at last. And still a few days behind.

Your favourite song this time last year.

Now, I cannot remember what this song was. Howver, given that I'd seen them send Manchester MEN up in smoke and was very much looking forward to Sonisphere, I imagine it was this. The first song of their last album, 'Love is there for All of us', or 'Liebe is fur Alle da'  and the opener to their live shows. 'Rammlied' or 'Rammsong' by Rammstein.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do...

...tell my Christian mother that I'm not a virgin.

Blimey, I know I'm repeating the title, but that was hard. She paused beforehand too. Guess she had to take a moment to realise that her son had grown up and was a 'man', so to speak.

I hate what my dad's reaction is gonna be...

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 23 - 29

So much for posting later. In fact, so much for posting over the last WEEK more or less.

I'm gonna rattle these off, no explanation or anything, and we can all resume tomorrow with the last one :). So.....

Day 23: A song that you to be played at your wedding:

Day 24: A song that you want to be played at your funeral:

Day 25: A song that makes you laugh:

Day 26: A song that you can play on an instrument:

Day 27: A song that you wish you could play:

Day 28: A song that makes you feel guilty:

Day 29: A song from your childhood:

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 21 and 22

I will post later tonight - these are from two days ago and yesterday. Dear me, I've fallen behind haven't I?

Anywho, first up:

A song that you listen to when you are happy.

This song was my summer song of 2010. Whenever I listened to it, all I could see was myself and a group of friends in a park, towards the end of the summer holidays, in the evening, chilling out with alcohol, cigarettes, a football and all the other stuff you associate with a student meetup. It was a great image and it makes me even happier when I imagine it. That's why I've picked this song.

And completely on the flip side:

A song that you listen to when you are sad.

If it wasn't for 'Rime of the Ancient Mariner', this would be my favourite Iron Maiden song of all time. It's beautiful, entirely acoustic and when I am feeling low, the lyrics perk me up and give me newfound strength. It's about carrying on and keeping going. For your enjoyment, 'Journeyman'.

 

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 20

A song you listen to when you are angry.

There is one rule: it has to be filled with rage itself. If a song vents anger, I connect with it and vent my own anger. BY the end of the song I'm generally calm again.

There are quite a few songs that do this, mainly anything by Rage Against the Machine and the song 'Break Stuff' by Limp Bizkit. However, I've gone for 'Beautiful Mourning' by Machine Head, off their album 'The Blackening'. When played full blast through earphones, this song really gets rid of my emotion when I'm pissed off. If you need any MORE proof, just listen to the opening three words.

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 18 and 19

I'm getting really bad at missing a day aren't I?

Anyway, day 18:

A song you wish you heard on the radio.

Given my extreme dislike for the stuff usually played on there, i.e. manufactured, over-produced, autotuned pop, I felt it fitting that I got to an extreme end of the music spectrum for THIS particular song, an area so extreme that I barely listen to it myself, and it's part of the metal genre. Yes, I am talking black metal, started in Scandanavia in the 80s and today spearheaded by one band: the mighty Dimmu Borgir. This is one of the few black metal songs I like, and it would make radio so much more lively. For your enjoyment, Progenies of the Great Apocalypse:

And for today's enjoyment:

A song from your favourite album.

My favourite album of all time is 'The Wall' by Pink Floyd. Possibly THE greatest concept album of all time, it is a masterpiece and a true rock opera, in many ways. Pink Floyd have long since gone, but the bassist from the group, Roger Waters, owns the rights to the album and is currently touring it and planning a Broadway theatre production of the album as well.

This song, 'Run Like Hell', is my favourite out of the lot. The way Roger and guitarist Dave Gilmour exchange lines is brilliant and the whole song vents an anger that is subtle yet frontal at the same time. And because the album is far better live, I'm posting the live version from the original tour in 1980 from London's Earls Court Arena. Enjoy.

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 16 and 17

Yeah, I missed yesterday again, so am sat here at 8:14am in the morning before I got out and do some filming for the day updating it. The things I do for you lot, eh?

Anyway:

A song you once loved that you now hate.

Evanescence were great. I mean really great. And 'Bring Me to Life' was an amazing song. Until THIS performance at Download 07. The singer is drunk, there is no male singer to make the song full and well....just listen for yourself *shudders*

And for today:

A song you hear often on the radio.

With Heart.FM repeating the same 10 songs or so over and over again, this one often cropped up and I hate it. It's bad enough that it's the current X Factor winner's single - it's another that it's a Biffy Clyro cover WITH A CHANGE OF TITLE. Everything about it just screams horrific. Nevertheless, the majority of the UK public lap it up so I guess that's why it's on the radio.

30 Day Song Challenge: Days 14 and 15

Yes, I know, I put Day 12 twice. I'm an idiot.

Also, due to a sci-fi social last night with the Drama Society, I had no time to do yesterday's song. So, without further ado, days 14 and 15.

A song nobody would expect you to like.

The fact that I like mainly metal music means the 'opposite', i.e. hip-hop and rap, is probably something you wouldn't expect me to like. I say opposite in the very loosest of terms, by the way. Having said that, this song is an absolute belter and I love it to bits. For you now, 'Pass Out' by Tinie Tempah.

And for Day 15...

A song that describes you.

Until September 2010, I had lived in Gloucestershire solely. Hadn't had to move around the country a lot or anything like that, always very local to the area. Moving to Bristol in September was a big thing - new city, much bigger than Gloucester, new places to go and discover and new people to meet. Whilst my social skills mean I have made loads of friends here, my lack of street knowledge has resulted in me still finding my feet here. In fact, I still feel a bit like a Stranger in a Strange Land...

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 12

A song that is a guilty pleasure.

I'm usually completely against the mainstream churning out the next pop sensation at the rate of one a week and starting them off at earlier and earlier ages. I much prefer it if an act has worked their way up through the clubs, the pubs, the academies etc etc.

This of course is an exception, because this little lady actually brought out a decent record, then accompanied it with one of the most metal music videos ever. Thus, it fits perfectly as my guilty pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, 'Whip My Hair' by Willow Smith.



30 Day Song Challenge: Day 12

A song by a band you hate.

If I'm honest, hate's a strong word. There's not one band I truly, TRULY hate. There are quite a few I seriously dislike though, and Jimmy Eat World are one of them. So sadly, it's them who get the video here. Without further ado, 'The Middle'