Drifting from one extreme to the next.

This is me currently.

I'm in a dark place - have been for a while. I have these moments where I don't want to be around people but I don't want to be on my own either. I cannot say if anyone else has ever experienced this before, but it's horrible. I've been stressed out a lot too: my smoking plan has gone out the window in recent days as well because I've been so highly-strung. It's really getting to me at the mo. This blog could get quite depressive in the near future - as I say in my description though, hopefully my writings will open up doors, show me how to solve problems out. So if you find yourself regularly down after reading my posts in the future, you know what to do.

On a happier note (I don't know if I've mentioned this already) my monologue I performed in one of my modules the other week went down really well. It was really wierd - my tutor linked his classes to a piece of writing concerning embarrassment. The idea was that the more you make yourself vulnerable on stage and in danger of embarrassing yourself, the more convincing your performance. And whilst I didn't take it to heart, it had such an effect on me. There I was, in my pyjamas, standing in front of the class performing an extract from Equus (it's the scene where Alan Strang explains his first experience with horses) and I guess the shyness felt by wearing just my bedclothes has a big effect. Halfway through my monologue, the eyeline I had been talking to the whole time was suddenly the only thing in focus - the rest of the room blurred into insignificance. I was pretty scared, but I kept going. When I changed my emotion slightly, the whole room came back into focus. But I realise now that I was in total character, something I've never been in on stage before. The change in emotion brought me back down to earth. A big mistake in hindsight. Next time I won't do that - if it blurs I'm keeping that.

I would also like to thank Alix (I believe I've spelt it right), a new follower of mine on Twitter, for introducing me to Jason Walker, a truly wonderful musician. Here's the song that I was first told about:

Right, beddy-byes for me.

Laters xx