Shit just got serious.

So, it's crunch time. And I mean crunch time. The next three weeks are crucial. And if I do not update a lot, then it's because I'll be snowed under with work. As will most of the second years. Going out is not an option, I have to work and work hard.

Assessments are coming thick and fast, with 3 coming up before that wonderful moment we break up for Christmas. Then it all starts again on January 3rd. This festive period may well be the toughest and the least relaxing I've had in my 19 years on this planet.

On a happier note, I have taken up another directing role, albeit in an assistant position, for this year's Drama Soc panto. Having thoroughly enjoyed performing 'Sleeping Snoopy' last year, I look forward to 'Winnie the Pooh and the Beanstalk' this time around. Hopefully mine, 'Cinderecess' will be ready for next year. That's if I actually get it done along with the other million pieces I'm working on currently. My Christian monolgue, my dark play, a stage adaptation of Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'...yeah, I do far too much. But it keeps me busy.

Nightwish's new album is released soon. The keyboard player says a UK tour will happen next year, and I for one will BE there. Hopefully with Dad if he likes the album enough. I love my dad - he sent me a text yesterday wishing me a happy half-birthday, which really touched me. Yes, this is above all the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with - I am into my last 6 months of being a teenager. It's weird: when I became a teenager in 2005, Justin Bieber was finishing primary school, Michael Jackson was still alive and 'Chinese Democracy' was still 3 years away from completion. Black Sabbath reformed (again) and headlined Download with Feeder and System of a Down. The World Cup in Germany was yet to happen and London was still preparing to bid to host the 2012 Olympics. And Bin Laden was yet to be found. Funny how much goes on in seven years.

I feel like the only person in the world who doesn't care about Skyrim right now. I mean, I understand the hype behind it - if the previous Elder Scroll games were as good as everyone said they were, then it's totally feasible. However, when you don't own a PS3 or Xbox 360 and have a laptop that would stand no chance of playing it, you just aren't as fussed as everybody else. Besides, as I got older, money for games and consoles went on band tees and gig tickets.

Talking of gig tickets, mine arrived for the Jagermeister Music Tour! The O2 Academy really don't mess about - I buy a ticket to see Skindred and Therapy? on the 11th November for a 14th April 2012 gig and the tickets come through my letterbox 8 days later. Now I have to wait 5 months, which will be painful - Skindred are one of the greatest live bands in the world and to see them at their own headline gig on the last night of a tour will be ridiculous. I may need a paramedic stationed at home after that one. Especially as the ticket cost a fiver. Yep, five pounds. FIVE. For a band from Brigend playing reggae metal with a rasta frontman and a trio of alt. rock legends. And most likely a couple more artists. This is gonna get messy.

Right, I'm going to sort my head out a bit more. How, I don't know, but writing it down probably won't help.

Laters xx

Four Weeks

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to save everything,

So I can return home from home

And continue with my love.

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to prove to them

I am capable of juggling work

With work, life with life.

I have four weeks.

Four weeks to bring in something

That can be used to live with.

Else the morning of the Sabbath

Will hang over me.

I have four weeks.

Dear mind, fasten your seatbelt.

There is turbulence ahead.

So, I decided yesterday that I intend to create two very contrasting pieces of work from the Drama Soc Creative Writing sessions held on a Monday evening. Both explore different aspects of my wellbeing, both will most likely be given help by friends and I hope at least one will make it to the Showcase in June.

The first one is a monologue. As you are probably aware, I am a Christian, and I love the Lord Jesus with my heart and soul. My faith is usually quite private to me - although I will freely admit I am a Christian, I will only talk to somebody about it if they ask me to. I see no need in preaching to people 24/7 about how the only way to eternal life is through God: At the end of the day, if somebody wants to be a Christian they will take the necessary steps themselves, and no human likes to have beliefs shoved down their throat if they don't want them.

Anyway, I have wanted to write a piece of drama with a Christian message for quite some time now, and over the summer I decided that I would turn Psalm 119 from the Bible into a contemporary monologue. Why Psalm 119? Well, being a Psalm there is already a poetic quality to it before I begin, which will make the process a lot easier. Secondly, it's the longest chapter in the Bible at 178 verses, thus giving me a lot of material to play with. Whether it is adapted word for word or otherwise remains to be seen, but I definitely want the same message behind it as the original writing.

The other piece is going in completely the opposite direction, to the point that it's so left field it becomes right field again. The other piece will be a play, and it will be dark. No wait, DARK. See, I was never the most popular kid at secondary school - always pushed about a bit, the last to know gossip, left out of parties and the like - and dealing with that for 7 years has caused a lot of emotion and anger to build up inside me. Coupled with various events of the past 3 months and the fact that even the slightest of things can trigger a past memory I'd rather forget to slip back into my mind and haunt me, the result is a bubbling cauldron inside of me waiting to boil over. Now, I always try to turn negative to positive, and in this instances I intend to channel the cocktail of elements inside me into a play. At the minute, I am looking along the lines of including suicide, sex and forbidden love. But this is about getting everything out, so it may take a completely different form. It all depends on how I feel, but I really want to tap into this darker energy and nuture it into something awe-inspiring and beautiful. At least, that's the plan.

So, why the title? Well, with two completely contrasting pieces forming and developing inside my head, it's gonna be a bumpy ride I feel for the next few months. But at the end of it, I want to be left with a clear conscience, everything behind me at long last and two really exciting pieces to be proud of.

Forget the comment on my last post about a special post coming up - I really can't write it without sounding like a total dick.

Laters xx

Anger, Excitement, Tiredness, Sleep.

A rollercoaster of emotions rising and falling this week. I won't go into all the details but here we go:

So, the Drama Society Armistice Performance was postponed, potentially cancelled. A huge kick in the teeth for all of us, the Student Union decided at the 11th hour that the Risk Assessments we had filled out weren't good enough and handed in too late. Even though we had taken the steps to make sure they were handed in on time, the receiver of the forms was not around at the time stated and this obviously caused problems. It's not like we hadn't had them previously either - the SU decided to pass new regulations on the handling of Risk assessments forms and the like and not bothered to tell us. As a result, we went about our business like we had done for the last three years and up until the aforemenioned moment had no idea we could not continue in the same manner. To add insult to injury, the meeting to sort all the shit out was scheduled for Wednesday at 2pm - the same time the Drama Society meet. Somebody somewhere has a real grudge against us it seems, so we are planning to nip this in the bud and get it all resolved. We staged a flashmob on Frenchay as well to mark Remembrance Day and stopped the whole corridor in the process. That was very special.

In other news, this time more music related, Black Sabbath are back. Messrs Obsourne, Iommi, Butler and Ward announced their reformation, their first studio album together for 33 years and a headlining performance at Download Festival. Coupled with the news the previous day that Metallica are playing the same festival AND playing their eponymous self-titled album in its entirity, this is big news. And I am THERE. I am not missing the band who invented the music genre I love for the world. By hook or by crook I will be standing on the hallowed turf of Castle Donington this summer to watch them. I have so far destroyed my neck several times listening to Sabbath's catalogue, and thus am looking to purchase a neck brace for the weeks after the festival. I will also look to attend Sonisphere as well.

The next morning, I was up at 5:45am again for more filming for 'Flying Blind'. Again a very enjoyable experience, this time set in a lecture hall and I was required to walk out and back in several times. Tedious, but worth the experience. Then a friend's party in the evening, which was also very fun. Remembrance Sunday was yesterday, and that involved a church service including a Motorhead song, much to my delight. Today is the first of my Reading Week, so I have no lessons whatsoever. For a week. if Hannah Khan is reading this, then *blows raspberry*.

Right, I'm off for my Personal Academic Tutor meeting. Stay tuned for a special blog post this evening!

Laters xx

12 hours.

As I begin to write this post, that's how long I have been up for. The time now is 5:45pm.

So, today was my first ever day working on a real-life film set! I started at 8, but got there early because I had no idea where it was, so I went with my friend (who's in charge of extras for the film - that's how I got the gig in the first place) and she needed to be there early. This resulted in a 5:45am start for me, which I somehow reacted better to than when I wake up usually at 8/9am. This annoyed me greatly, I must say - if I can wake up quicker at a time when I'm meant to be asleep, why can't I do so when I'm NOT meant to be?! It makes no sense!

Anyway, the film is called 'Flying Blind' and stars Narciss Malfoy from Harry Potter. I'm also shooting on Saturday so there should be a couple of moments in the film where you can see me. Whn I know it all I'll tell you

In other news, The UWE Drama Society's annual Armistice production will be performed on Thursday and Friday evening at St. Matthias in Bristol. It will comprise a series of war poems and songs, dramatic pieces and (thanks to yours truly) an Iron Maiden tune turned into all of the above. The admission is free, but donations to the Poppy Appeal are most welcome.

What else? Oh yes! On Friday last I met Dan Sturgess, the DJ from reggae metal Skindred! They're playing the O2 Academy in April and tickets are a fiver. Yeah, you read that right. A FIVER. I'm STOKED! And totally going.

I genuinally think that's about it. I'm going to sort out my rehearsal for this evening, so we can NAIL this motherfool once and for all!

Laters xx

Drifting from one extreme to the next.

This is me currently.

I'm in a dark place - have been for a while. I have these moments where I don't want to be around people but I don't want to be on my own either. I cannot say if anyone else has ever experienced this before, but it's horrible. I've been stressed out a lot too: my smoking plan has gone out the window in recent days as well because I've been so highly-strung. It's really getting to me at the mo. This blog could get quite depressive in the near future - as I say in my description though, hopefully my writings will open up doors, show me how to solve problems out. So if you find yourself regularly down after reading my posts in the future, you know what to do.

On a happier note (I don't know if I've mentioned this already) my monologue I performed in one of my modules the other week went down really well. It was really wierd - my tutor linked his classes to a piece of writing concerning embarrassment. The idea was that the more you make yourself vulnerable on stage and in danger of embarrassing yourself, the more convincing your performance. And whilst I didn't take it to heart, it had such an effect on me. There I was, in my pyjamas, standing in front of the class performing an extract from Equus (it's the scene where Alan Strang explains his first experience with horses) and I guess the shyness felt by wearing just my bedclothes has a big effect. Halfway through my monologue, the eyeline I had been talking to the whole time was suddenly the only thing in focus - the rest of the room blurred into insignificance. I was pretty scared, but I kept going. When I changed my emotion slightly, the whole room came back into focus. But I realise now that I was in total character, something I've never been in on stage before. The change in emotion brought me back down to earth. A big mistake in hindsight. Next time I won't do that - if it blurs I'm keeping that.

I would also like to thank Alix (I believe I've spelt it right), a new follower of mine on Twitter, for introducing me to Jason Walker, a truly wonderful musician. Here's the song that I was first told about:

Right, beddy-byes for me.

Laters xx

10 minute blog post

Well, 9 minutes. Just before Jeremy Kyle.

So, the last few days have been interesting and worrying at the same time. I don't want to go into too much detail, but basically I've screwed up big time and I'm not sure how I'm gonna get out of it. And last night was horrific until I got to sleep. It's a major struggle at the minute, but hopefully I'll get out of the other side all fine and dandy.

Have started to attempt growing a moustache for Movember. This is gonna be hilarious especially watching the other Drama Soc members attempt to as well.

Ummm, is there anything else interesting that's gone on? I don't think so to be fair, so I'll leave it there - oh, the new series of Tool Academy is back! I love that TV show.

Right, Jezza K, then work, then something else :)

Laters xx