Brains.

...some people bloody need them.

Since my last post, this week has passed in quite a blur. I performed my monologue on Thursday for one of my classes and did well, apparently. Also got my group and play for my first assessment in that module - it's a play caled 'Bent'. It's one of the most intense plays I've ever read, and with me directing, I may well have my work cut out. But we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday was Bristol's infamous 'Zombie Walk' - two to three thousand people dressed as various members of the undead prowling the streets, scaring everyone and finishing on Castle Park. We had Freddie Mercury, Where's Wally, Timmy Mallet and Elvis amongst others, and a great day was had by all. Well, I say ALL - some idiots decided to set off some fireworks outside one of our shopping centres, injuring a seven year-old and plunging the future of the Walk into serious doubt. Apparently the reasons were political. Arrests were made for the first time in the 5 year history of the event, and I, like the other 99% of people, am shocked and disgusted that some people decided to let their own views override a wonderful family event and put themselves and others in harm. It's utterly moronic.

Today sees the first rehearsal for my Armistice piece - I'm looking forward to it, and all being well we'll have it knocked out in a couple of hours or so, which would be most impressive if I'm honest. And then we can do it again in the tech and stuff.

I keep forgetting to publish this, so here goes!

Laters xx

Special Post: My response to the Daily Mail.

Now, I'm all for teenage rebellion. It's a natural part of growing up. As children approach adulthood, the want to make their own choices is nothing but instinctual, and the restraints placed upon them at a young age are gradually lifted. Naturally, these restraints can take many forms, but the most common include face and body piercings and the dyeing of one's hair.

I too have made the point of partaking in both - I have two rings in both earlobes and I dyed my hair last Christmas - however unlike the case I am about to bring up, I DID in fact wait until I was 18 to do both, the former under the wishes of my parents, the latter because until then I hadn't really fancied having my hair any other colour.

THIS article here, which was posted this morning on the Daily Mail website, is from a mother (Diana Appleyard) who believes that she has, in some way, failed in her duties as a parent because her 18 year-old daughter (Charlotte) has several piercings and dyed her hair all manner of colours. She also, quite infuriatingly, ponders on whether it is her daughter's love for heavy metal music that has caused her to invest in the aforementioned activities. She says that her daughter "first dyed her hair in her third year at boarding school — I went to pick her up for a day out and nearly fainted with shock. Her gorgeous blonde hair had been dyed a  horrible matte black. Against it, her skin seemed pasty and washed out. She looked, in short, nothing like my daughter." The article goes on to say "Her father and I worked so hard to give her and her sister an idyllic childhood, with horses and private education — yet Charlotte looks the antithesis of her upbringing."

To this, I write the following response:

Firstly, Diana, your dream image of how your daughter would turn out was always going to be dashed. As mentioned above, teenage rebellion is part of growing up, and every single one does so in their own unique way. Your daughter is not unlike the rest of us, and I am sure you too had your own way of going against the grain. True, some aspects of childhood never fade - 16 years down the line, I am still an avid fan of Chelsea Football Club. I have also maintained a great love for the Beano comics and continue to enjoy The Pink Panther and Wacky Races. However, I was always looking for that element of self-expression, and I found it, like Charlotte, in heavy metal music. Now, sitting in my room in my student house, no fewer than four posters of Iron Maiden adorn my walls, and I even have a drawer filled with all manner of band t-shirts. I reckon that, if you spoke to Charlotte about it, there would be things that she still loves regardless of how she has 'evolved' as a human being.

You also say that your daughter's appearance "has become a family joke" and that you "wonder if there is something I have done wrong". To put it bluntly, you haven't. I assume I became the same way - at 17, my hair was past my shoulders and I more or less lived out of my denim waistcoat and studded wristbands. My hair was always the first thing to be commented on at family gatherings, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if my younger brother ridiculed me at school to his friends about the whole affair. Neither of my parents were ever embarrassed about what I was wearing, and the only time they were was when I wore a t-shirt displaying a '666' logo, which offended them due to their Christian faith. In the end, my dad bought the t-shirt off me and disposed of it, and I went out and bought a different one with the money. Win win situation.

Now on to the point that has really got my goat - the issue of heavy metal music itself. Metal has never attempted to be the image of 'popular music' - sure, the moments that it DOES breach the top 20 in the UK charts are applauded, but no band has ever sought out to become a mainstream metal act, nor have the fans ever tried to consistently get a band to #1. To do so is to go against the flow of what heavy metal is about - the close-knit community and the decision to move away from the 'norm' and band together. A band could play music as heavy as Slayer, for example, but if they regularly released singles and tried to claim the top spot in the charts with each release, quickly people would perceive them to be 'selling out' and they would lose a lot of fans. A perfect case in point is Metallica - the biggest metal band on the planet, yet when they released 'The Black Album' in 1991, the move away from 8-minute epics to 5-minute, almost radio-friendly tunes alienated quite a few people, of which some have never forgiven the band for that decision. The overall point is this: Metal has always been, in its foundations, about people wanting to create music as far way as possible from what was and what IS present in the Top 40 and to EXPRESS THEMSELVES in their own way. Your daughter is no different. As I mentioned above, the development from child to teenager is always accompanied by some form of expression.

I would also like to try and quell your fears that Charlotte's "aggressive image might damage her in some way". This is not the case at all. I can definitely see your view - a lot of band t-shirts have quite graphic designs on them, and coupled with the other stereotypical features - lots of black, numerous piercings, studded accessories - the result can be quite 'scary' to an extent. However, deep down, Charlotte will still have the "sweet, dreamy personality" that you say she has. The same holds true for the vast majority of the alternative community. It is one big family, brought together under a love for all things heavy and loud. Everyone comes from different walks of life, and will all continue to take different paths. There are footballers who like metal, actors, even politicians. The only thing in common is the taste in music. There is nothing that says to be a metalhead, you must have an aggressive attitude towards everyone. Again, take me - I've loved heavy metal since the age of 11, but I am a Christian like my parents and, according to everyone I know, one of the nicest and most sensitive guys around. Not exactly the toughest or most aggressive of people, am I? However, on a different note, do not expect this to be "just a phase". The strength of the community means most carry on the image right into adulthood and for the rest of their lives. That's just the way it is and the way it always has been.

In closing then, Diana, I would like to say that you have NOT been a bad mother in any sense of the word, and that's it's perfectly normal to be worried. However, I stand by Charlotte and urge you to "butt out" of her life somewhat. Not only are you taking everything far too personally, but now that she is 18 and legally a young adult, she is free to do what she wants. Of course, that doesn't mean you cannot ADVISE her and give your opinion where you feel necessary, but ultimately it is HER decision on whether she gets that band t-shirt, or that piercing, or that tattoo. I would also like to stress that heavy metal music is NOT making your daughter aggressive. If anything, the nature of the music is keeping her charming self intact. If you do ever read this, then I hope you take what I have said on board and that it gives you some piece of mind. If you are still genuinally worried, then I suggest you speak to her properly. Have a good, honest conversation, with no raised voices, and let her tell you everything. I'm sure it will become clear that she is not out to harm you and (hopefully) it will make your relationship even stronger.

Yours,

Elliot Leaver

Descartes has melted my brain.

Quite literally.

Today's workshop in Drama was my first foray into Philosophy. And I am currently incapacitated while my brain still recovers from the whole damn thing. Somehow though, I have enough ability to update my blog, as I said I would.

So, this week - one of catching up on work and the like, trying to get the right balance between my work and my social life. It's something I think is really important - too much work and you become detached from everyone and fitting in with groups will be tough. Too much fun and you'll drop out at Christmas, simple as that. But get it all right and uni will be the best three years or so of your life. It's probably the best piece of advice I could give to anyone who's looking at going to uni, and one I have been telling all the prospective Fresher's coming on Open Days. And with me being a believer in practicing what you preach, if I'm not keeping on top of it myself then I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. Thankfully, I'm there, more or less: Notes to write up over the weekend and a soundtrack to complete, and I'm done.

I am also down to direct my first ever drama piece! It's called 'For the Greater Good of God', and will be a part of the Drama Society's Armistice Showcase. Its about a soldier, on the front line in a holy war, who is questioning whether he has made the right move in going to war, whether it IS actually God at the centre of all this or the Devil, and asking for guidance from someone. And, surprise surprise - it's been adapted from an Iron Maiden song. Video below:

Yeah, seems a pretty long piece - but it'll be about 5-5 and a half minutes. As it's now a poem, there's going to be no long solo sections or the like. All that's being kept is the intor and outro played on acoustic guitar. I'm looking forward to getting to grips with it.

What else? Oh yeah, I had to call the police again this week! After speaking to them on Saturday regarding my bag, I witnessed the aftermath of a mugging and had the rozzers round mine at half 11 so I could give a statement. I lead a very interesting life, don't I?

Get well soon to my brother as well - the poor guy has glandular fever. You've now got half term to rest it off buddy, make the most of it.

Right, I'm going to get things sorted regarding Movember - the fundraising event to grow a moustache for the whole of November to raise awareness and money for prostate cancer. I have the Drama guys involved (and two females!) so it should be a laugh.

Laters xx

The last three days.

The last three days have gone from good to bad to okay-ish. It's been tough, particularly the last 48 hours, but I have faith that everything will turn out ok.

Let's start with the good. Friday night was the Superheroes vs. Supervillains Drama Soc social at the Bierkeller in town, Bristol's only dedicated rock/alternative/punk/metal club. I went as Heath Ledger's Joker and had an absolutely amazing time - it was great seeing so many people come in costume, some of well-known characters, others completely made up. A thoroughly enjoyable night, made even more satisfying by the fact that I got more of the free cocktail than advertised. Basically, if you came in fancy dress, you were eligible for a free Kryptonite Cocktail. I was one of the first people to redeem the above drink from the bar, and received a full pint of the cocktail. Literally 2 minutes afterwards, they set up the stall for the drink redemption, and issued the cocktails in small tumblers, about the size of your average spirit glass. Sometimes, mistakes can be great.

Now the flip side. I helped out at the Open Day for my campus on Saturday, and as the clock ticked round to half three, I left my base to go and help clear up around the site. On my return 15 minutes later, I discovered my bag gone, potentially stolen. It contained several items of importance - my pencil case, an exercise book, a library book, a module reader and handbook AND, most worryingly and valuable of all, my passport. So far, nothing has surfaced regarding the return of any of my items. Naturally, I've been upset about the whole scenario and as a result, my smoking has increased to deal with the stress. A pretty poor end to my Saturday, although things are moving along for a new passport and I intend to seach more for it tomorrow. This is also why today has been okay-ish: the loss of it has really been a dampener on everything that's happened.

Nothing else has really occurred, so this may be seen as a short post. I'll keep you updated on this as it unfolds.

Laters xx

Lonely.

I get lonely quite a lot nowadays. I actually have no idea why. I've always been quite independent, and yet now I need people around me more than ever. I guess quite a few factors have contributed to this - Rosie's death, mine and Alex's break-up, the transition to a new church, the second year of uni, financial struggles, unemployment. Quite manageable things, I know, but they hit me hard and fast over a short period of time, and I'm still reeling from it all.

I mean, Rosie's funeral was, in a way, quite a good thing. Sounds strange to say, but the fact is it gave me closure. When I left Newent School, I deleted many of my schoolfriends from Facebook and the like, because I wanted to have as few reasons as possible to return to Gloucester - I wanted a new start and a clean break from everything. Of course, there were still people from school that I kept - my social group for example, and a few others that I got on well with, Rosie included, but aside from that everyone went. I felt that I had been seen as an easy target by quite a lot of them, and I didn't want them in my life any more. Sounds fair enough. Rosie's funeral allowed me to draw a line under Newent School and properly move on - her connections with the school meant that there was always a link. I would like to stress NOW that I am NOT saying that Rosie passing away was a good thing and that I was waiting for it to happen so I could break away completely - I was as upset as everyone for I had always hoped she would beat cancer. I just went to the funeral for her sake and her sake alone - I'm above everything else. Some may call this arrogance; I call it looking out for No.1 and making my life better.

I guess I'm also worried about the new Freshers in Drama Society. I've always been a worrier, for everyone other than myself usually. However, the strong characters involved this year have made me question my acting ability a huge amount and whether I'm really doing the right thing by trying to make a career from Drama, I just seem substandard. Having said that, this year is crucial - a lot of training in lessons and other productions will show me for sure. I'm also giving directing a go too - see if that's a good move. By the way, in relation to Drama Society, congratulations to Huw Tindall-Jones for being appointed Vice President: you deserved it mate.

Talking of productions, I really hope John Reid, one of our senior lecturers gets his act together and releases the cast list for 'Spring Awakening'. I want a really good role. If I don't, there's at least two other things to audition for: 'Sixteen' by Scott Fraser and 'Punk Rock' by Caroline Hadley. As for Armistice, I'll release details of that when everything's cast and sorted. Which reminds me - I need to send my cast off, first directing piece in that showcase.

Has anyone been watching The Fades? It's been gripping! It's about this guy who has the ability to see the dead who haven't been able to leave this world peacefully (known as The Fades) and some of them are attacking humans and killing them. And there's this groups known as The Angelics who are out to stop this. In the last episode, this guy died and came back to life through some random voodoo and his twin sister. Was amazing. Also, Fresh Meat on Channel 4 has been great too. It's literally The Inbetweeners at university, so funny.

Couple of gigs coming up I hope to go to - Opeth in November and Mastodon in February. I badly wanna see Rammstein again though, but Birmingham's sold out :(. I DID see them twice in 6 months last year, so I'll have to be content with that I guess: the singer wants to retire at 50, and that's 2013, so I'm pretty sure I'll never see them again.

The Macarena just came on my iTunes - I'm so cool.

Writing this has really helped my loneliness - I've got a lot off my chest. I don't know if anyone will see or read this, but if you do, thank you - it means a lot.

Laters xx

P.S. Cutting back on smoking is going well - I even turned down going out for one earlier today! Sadly, my chest is quite bad still. Won't stop me going out tomorrow night though!

Ozzy Osbourne, Pink Floyd and more.

So, the title explained:

The bit about Ozzy concerns my last Creative Writing project. We are currently studying a play called Rum and Vodka, written by Connor MacPherson. We were asked to continue the monologue as we felt fit, and mine ended up with the protagonist biting the head off a bat, akin to the Prince of Darkness on tour one year. Dark, but funny. Apparently.

Pink Floyd? I was listening to Dark Side of the Moon earlier. I don't care what anyone says, that album is as good as it was almost 40 years ago when it first came out. Simply stunning effort by the 'Floyd. No wonder it was released in 1973 and didn't drop off the Billboard Top 200 in the 'States until 2001.

I'm currently listening to/watching Metallica's show from Rock Am Ring in 2008. I'm not looking at the setlist at all - Metallica change theirs nearly every show, and not one song is constant throughout a tour. For example, if they have a 60 date tour, the most played song will feature 59 times. I rather like that idea - it gives fans something different each time they play. If I were the singer of a band, I'd want setlists to change every night, pyros, staging with different levels, changing backdrops, the works - these people have come to see a show, and the minute I had the chance to add something in I would. Even if that meant starting off small by releasing beach balls into the crowd, I'd do it, make sure everyone watching went away having had a good time and wanting to see us again.

Not much else has happened today I don't think. Oh wait, I had another shelf fitted in my room. This is most helpful to my living arrangements - my room is now perfect for me this year :).

It's getting pretty hot in here. Apparently temperatures are meant to soar to 23 degrees by the end of the week again. I can hardly wait.

Nothing else to really say. Drama Society tomorrow with the election of our new Vice President, of which I'm in the running. I hope I get it!

Laters xx 

Just so everyone is on the same wavelength...

Here is my plan re smoking:

Firstly, I am NOT giving it up 100%. This is a conscious decision based on my own findings last year, which I will explain as we go along. I think the correct term is CUTTING BACK, as opposed to giving up, so I apologise for the confusion. Anyway, here is my plan:

1. I intend to become a social smoker again, as opposed to the regular/heavy one I am now. As such, you may see me buying tobacco from time to time or smoking, but I can assure you I will not be puffing like a chimney as I was until Saturday. I'm looking at going from the 8+ a days I would usually have to 1 or 2, maybe 0.
2. As mentioned above, I'm turning social. So, at events like the Monday Lock-In, Drama Soc socials, house parties or whatever, I will probably be smoking. However, it won't be to the extent that I used to, as I found I missed so much conversation when out for a smoke that I ended up drifting between groups, feeling lost and lonely.
3. I found last year that if I hit a writer's block during essays, a cigarette break helped me calm down and re-focus. When I resumed my essay, I'd find the answer and continue for another 1000 words or so. I plan to keep this up.
4. I will only EVER smoke heavily on the three Last Order events every year. I find I smoke more when I drink, so when an event turns up that is 12 hours long and drink will be flowing, I will probably be 'back to my old ways' as it were. The same applies to music festivals.

I hope this clears things up.

In other news, my costume for Friday night is complete. The Bierkeller, Bristol's only proper alternative nightclub, is hosting a Superheroes vs Supervillains night, and I am going ad The Joker from the Dark Night. My costume is now complete, it's gonna be amazing!

I'm really looking forward to finding out the cast list for 'Spring Awakening' this year. With my part from last year, The Masked Man, now being a Masked WOMAN, I can be assured of a bigger role. Here's hoping I'm Moritz or Melchior!

On the music front, Machine Head's new album 'Unto the Locust' is brilliant. 7 tracks of pure heaviness and balls-out metal. I wanna see them live so badly, but I can't afford to :(.

That's more or less it for today. Speak tomorrow.

Laters xx

The start of something new...

My first post since August 6th eh? Well this is where things get regular again.

So, a quick recap of the last couple of months, so you're all up to speed. Edinburgh Fringe was amazing, regardless of the fact that the reviewers hated us. We all had a good time and I got to meet a couple of special people in my world - Norman Lovett, best known for playing Holly in sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf, and Anthony Rapp, who played Mark in the film version of hit musical Rent. I also discovered the delights of strawberry beer and a wonderful pub called 'The Tron', where all roads lead to. What was even more special was seeing Mum, Dad and my godfather Howard come and support me during my show. Next year, I plan to go again, although without the 13-hour bus journey this time...

After that, things go downhill. Me and Alex split up at the start of September, however it was all dealt with very maturely and we are still the best of friends. The saddest news was to come though. On 12th September, an old schoolfriend of mine, Rosie Kilburn, lost her three-and-a-half year battle with cancer. She had raised well into four figures for various charitites with the help of her own online shop, The Knock On Effect, and I had done things my own way to support her. The funeral was beautiful, between 200-400 people there, depending on reports, and Rosie is always with me, in my heart and on my bag in the form of a domino badge, dominoes being one of TKOE's logos.

Since then, I have started my second year at uni and am thoroughly enjoying it, although am currently feeling a little worse for wear. Although I was indeed at a party last night, that's not the reason. You see, on Wednesday, when ALSO out, I made the conscious decision to cut back on my smoking, to stop having maybe 10 cigarettes a day and going to the odd one every now and then, with maybe a pack of 10 for socials and 20 for the uni's Drink the Bar Dry event. Even as I write this, I'm starting to get a craving!

I have to go, I'm going to have some food and head down to the library, to print out things and get myself in order for uni next week. I'll probably post later tonight, if not I'll definitely do so tomorrow. As the title says, this is becoming regular again.

Laters xx